1. Don’t pull away when they talk about their illness.
Especially if they’re recently diagnosed, they’re not doing it for attention. They’re not doing it for pity, they’re doing it because a diagnosis and an illness are a HUGE thing in a sick person’s life, it’s something to talk about. Just listen, you really don’t have to say anything else. Just be someone they can talk to.2. Do research about their Illness/Illnesses.
Nothing is harder than trying to explain what it’s like dealing with a chronic illness to a healthy person. It’s like explaining color to a blind person. If you know what illness they have, do some research, find out what it is, what symptoms they deal with, and even how other people with the same illness deal with it and describe it. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.3. Offer help
Okay, this one gets complicated. You certainly don’t want to make your ill friend feel bad about not being able to do things. Also, we tend to refuse help. Not always out of pride, but out of fear that people will get tired of helping us or dealing with us.(Like they often do!) So, if you know that something is hard for them(lifting objects, opening doors, opening bottles, carrying groceries) offer help in a way that makes it clear you really want to help, not that you “feel obligated” and also, if your friend says they can handle something, let them. Yes opening bottles hurt, but sometimes we get so frustrated with what we can and can not do that we’re wiling to put up with some pain because we just want to do something for ourselves if we can manage it.4. Accompany them to Doctors Appointments, or offer to help schedule appointments.
Scheduling doctors appointments is *such* a hassle with chronic illnesses. Most of us see many doctors, or need to see many doctors, so it can be hard calling all around trying to schedule appointments.
Doctors appointments are also a stressful thing, and it can be nice to have a friend accompany you. It is also hard for many sick people to drive to their own appointments Your friend may not want you in the exam room with them, but offering to drive them and sit with them in the waiting room could be a *HUGE* help.5. Understand that they may need to cancel plans last minute, and be okay with rescheduling.
Chronic illnesses are often so unpredictable. We can be doing okay one minute, and in excruciating, unable to move pain the next. Just remember your friend isn’t canceling to stand you up, but because they really need to. Or, remember that sometimes we can’t plan things in the first place. It’s not that we don’t want to go out with friends, we really, really do, but sometimes we’re not healthy enough to have time left over from work or school or doctors appointments or just cooking/cleaning to do anything else.6. Go to them, rather than them having to get out.
Getting out of the house always is hard with a chronic illness. It’s hard to drive, it’s hard to walk far, it’s hard to sit in uncomfortable chairs, it’s hard to be away when we might need our self-care resources we have at home and could need if our health takes a turn for the worse, and it’s hard going places where you don’t know what to expect.
Instead of trying to go out to dinner or to a movie or something, go visit them at home and bring take out or cook food, and rent a movie, just have a more quiet night where you can still spend time without your friend having to straining their health.7. Try to match their level of humor about their illness
Some people don’t joke about their illness, so obviously this doesn’t apply so much with them, but a lot of us do. I’m sarcastic ALL the time about little things, I’m constantly joking about my illness, and usually it just weirds my healthy friends out. I still remember the first time a friend make a funny comment about an illness, I take a lot of salt for low blood pressure, and we were watching a documentary talking about how the Mediteranian Sea will eventually be a salt desert, and she said “Jenna! You should live there!”8. Don’t insist they the new “Miracle Cure.”
We try a lot of treatments. Most of them don’t work, or do much at all. We get tired of hearing “Oh my aunt’s sister’s cousin had your illness and drank vinegar-water and now she’s all better! I’m sure it would work for you!” because chances are we’ve tried it and it didn’t work, or we’ve tried something similar and know it won’t work.
If you’re doing research or come across a treatment, now and then, it’s okay to say “Have you ever heard of____?” But don’t chastise someone for having a reason not to try that treatment, whatever it is.9. Don’t assume they’ll get better.
I know it’s hard to see someone you care about have to be sick all the time, and to know they’re not going to get better. It’s hard for us too. But that’s life, and it just needs to be accepted. You have to accept the fact that there is no cure for most chronic illnesses. That’s why we call them chronic. We don’t have to give up trying to find solutions for certain symptoms, but there aren’t any real “fixes.” In most cases, we just aren’t going to be healthy again, ever.10. Remember they’re still just people.
Sick people always talk about not letting their illness “define them.” It becomes a huge part of your life, obviously. When your friend wants to talk about their illness, let them. When it comes up, be okay with talking about it. But don’t bring it up all the time. We can never “forget” we’re sick, but sometimes it’s nice to act normal and healthy. You have a friend with an illness, but that isn’t all they are, they’re still your friend- a person with so, so much more to them than what they deal with.aand also: READ THE SPOON THEORY!
It’s a brilliant description of how we have to think and plan our lives around illnesses.
-
-
We had a dental dam laid out on our Freshers’ Week stall & so many of you asked us what it was & how it worked that we thought we’d write a short introductory post, which should hopefully answer all your questions.
What is a dental dam?
A dental dam is a thin rectangle of latex which can be used during oral sex to reduce the risk of STI transmission - they work in the same way as condoms, by creating a barrier between bodily fluids & skin. People often view oral sex as less risky, but both herpes & HPV can be transferred through mouth to vulva contact, so it’s important to protect yourself.
Dental dams are also great for reducing your risk of getting a vaginal infection & for annilingus, since they prevent any direct contact between the mouth & anus, which some people might not feel comfortable with.
You can buy dental dams in most large pharmacies, get them from the GUM clinic, or though the C:Card scheme on campus. They come in lots of different flavours, or you could add flavoured lube (although be careful if you’re susceptible to yeast infections, since sugary flavoured lubes will up your risk of infection).
So, how do I use a dental dam?
- First off, check the packet. Dental dams usually come in a thin, film packet, so check that there aren’t any tears or that the packet is particularly wrinkled, since these both up the chances of the dental dam being damaged. Next check that the dental dam is within it’s use-by date, & has a CE Mark, & preferably also a kitemark (these guarantee it is safe & effective).
- If everything looks ok, open the packet, being careful not to tear the dental dam itself. Dentals usually come folded up with a little latex band to keep them in place, so take this off & then unfold the dam.
- At this point you can add lube (not oil-based as this will make it more likely to split) to the dental dam (on one or both sides) & place it on either the vulva or anus, making sure it doesn’t get folded.
- You can now perform cunnilingus or annilingus to your’s & your partner’s delight! The important thing to remember is never to move the dam from one orifice to another, & never turn the dental dam over since this stops it from being an effective form of protection. Feel free to add some extra lube if it dries out.
- Once you’re done, wrap the dental dam up in some tissue & throw it in the bin. Dental dams are non-reusable so make sure you have a new one each time you have oral sex, & for each person who has oral sex performed on them.
I can’t get hold of dental dams, are there any alternatives?
Dental dams can be tricky to get hold of (especially if you’re looking for latex-free ones) although the Advice Place usually have a good selection in the C:Card cupboard.
If you can’t get a hold of them, both latex gloves & condoms can be used as a replacement. Simply cut the glove or condom down the sides to create a rectangle, then you can use it just the same as a dental dam.
In a push, you can also use non-microwaveable saran wrap or cling film, although this is obviously not ideal & likely to be less comfortable.
Can I use a dental dam for scissoring?
Absolutely! STIs can be passed between vaginas, so if you & your partner both have a vulva & want to stay safe whilst grinding or scissoring a dental dam is a great option. One of you simply clips the dental dam in place using a garter belt or a dental dam harness (although these are usually expensive & difficult to find), & then you’re free to go. Just make sure that the dam doesn’t tear or shift & you’ll both be protected.
Dental dams are rarely discussed in sex education at school (this is part of a wider problem with schools only focusing on penis in vagina sex) but they’re a great way to get the maximum amount of fun out of sex whilst keeping you & your partner(s) safe.
-
Get Pantsed! or, how to buy men’s pants if you’re trans*, queer or female-bodied
After the numerous reblogs and likes of my previous post on shoes, I thought I’d write up something on pants. I apologize if this is lengthy, but trousers can be hard to get right.Let’s address the differences between women’s and men’s trousers firstly. Most of this you probably already know from experience, but in any case, ladies pants come in smaller sizes in the waist and leg opening, while leaving more space in the thigh/hip area. On the matter of hips there’s a bit of confusion I’ve noticed: there are the hip bones that stick out right around your bellybutton and then the hips/thighs that protrude at their widest point near inline with your crotch. Ladies pants tend to try to accomodate the thigh area which are often where they carry fat distribution. Men’s pants, on the other hand, usually will be their widest in the waist where cis-men carry their most of their weight and then either narrow or go straight down from there. With that said, some cis-men also have larger thighs due to genetics or exercise and also find getting trousers to fit in the leg difficult. Other differences, ladies pants have more room in the back, to accomodate weight carried at the actual hips and possibly larger bottoms then cis-men.
So how do you find a pair of jeans/trousers that fit if you’re a transman or female-bodied and just don’t like ladies pants? Above is a quick diagram of how trousers are measured. Important measurements to know if you’re wider at that thigh/hip area is the thigh measurement on a given pair of pants because not only do you need to know your actual size at where you’re going to be wearing the pants (most people don’t actually wear pants these days at their natural waist unless they enjoy high-waisted pants) but you need to know that they won’t get those pulling stretch marks at the crotch area from your possibly wide-set hips. To get an idea, always refer to a pair of pants you already own that fit particular areas that you like. Usually it’ll be clear if the pants you’re looking at were measured in half, so they didn’t measure all the way around the pants, but just the front so a number like 10” will just mean half the fabric, double it, like 15” at the waist means a 30” waist. Depending on your body type, a taper style jean might work best for you because by nature a taper will be bigger at the top, where FAAB people usually have the most difficulty with men’s pants and then narrow out at the bottom so you don’t appear to be wearing massive baggy pants to accomodate your perhaps wider-set hips. Unless you have a naturally very slim body that goes nearly straight down from your hips, I would shy away from especially skinny fits because they tend to be tighter than ladies jeans in the thigh than men’s simply because most cis-men don’t require any extra room there, and you may either end up with something that fits everywhere but your hips, or something that exentuates them more than you perhaps would desire. There are, of course, exceptions! I have a pair of APC Petit Standards that fit perfectly, these are said to be “unisex” skinny jeans. I’m not especially ‘hippy’ mind you. Another tip I have is if you are self-conscious about your hip/thigh area is to off-set it by wearing boxier jackets that don’t pinch in too much at your natural waist where FAAB people tend to be their smallest and eccentuate your shoulders because cis-men often have a V-shape where they are widest at their shoulders and narrow in from there.
Beware of rise! As everyone knows, men’s trousers have more room in the crotch to accomodate genitals, whereas ladies trousers don’t. Because of this, there is a danger of winding up with trousers that fit with too much room in the crotch area and look a bit funny and feel uncomfortable because you’re walking around with this extra fabric getting in the way. Maybe you pack and this extra room is helpful, but maybe you’re not that tall and even though you pack, you’re still having this extra fabric in the way. I generally suggest looking at mid-rise trousers. High rise is fine if you like wearing your pants high, but you’re likely going to have problems where they’re sitting in a place that looks fairly feminine on you. Low rise has the issue of showing off your hips and pulling fabric in all the wrong places, and then having your underwear popping out—which isn’t cool, okay, underwear is supposed to remain under your clothes. Mid rise on the other hand has some leeway, where you can wear them a bit higher to conceal your hips or a bit lower to sit at your hips leaving a bit of room in the crotch, but not so much that you’re finding walking annoying. Some jeans have what is called a ‘drop yoke’ meaning they have a higher rise in the back or the back pockets start lower down, which could be helpful for some people who are well-endowed in the butt area if they want pocket placement a bit lower, which you might. In the case of people, like myself, who have virtually no butt, I’d advise against drop yokes because they’ll just make you look like you’re wearing too loose jeans, as the pockets will look too low and bag out.
Stretch out and wait! As a general rule of thumb, ladies pants, especially jeans, have stretchy materials and men’s don’t. Personally, I find this a relief because I remember the days of buying jeans that blow out and lose their shape as a result of the spandex, and the guessing game of how will they fit in two weeks. With that said, expect your men’s pants to be more rigid because if they’re jeans they’re 100% cotton. A quick related tangent: if you’re buying chinos or trousers, your pants will fit exactly how they fit when you try them on, but if you’re buying raw or selvedge jeans, expect them to stretch with wear but they will settle, so refer to the individual company’s fitting suggestions, but usually you’ll buy them one size too small and they’re stretch to fit your body over numerous wears, just do them around the house so you don’t feel all weird in public if they seem too tight.
If you’re really finding it difficult to get trousers that fit everywhere, look for ones that fit your waist, hips, thighs well and pay a tailor to take in the width of the leg from the knee down, so you don’t look like you’re drowning. Wide pants will make anybody look shorter unless you’re quite tall and pants that are too skinny will make a lot of people look like lollipops.
Pocket placement is incredibly important. If you want to diffuse your butt, get larger pockets that start about 1/5 down your butt and end just after your butt meets your thigh. Don’t buy pants with interesting washes that focus around your crotch or thighs, because they bring the eye to that area, which you’re likely trying to avoid. Additionally, jeans with any kind of pockets that have button over flaps look too bulky on most people. Belts have their pros and cons. I’ve not really successfully worn a belt because they tend to emphasis my hips, which I want to diffuse compared to my shoulders, whereas suspenders can do the same job of holding pants up and the vertical lines say height, not width. Cuffs are totally acceptable and in fashion these days and I encourage anybody to wear them, because they get you out of paying somebody to hem your pants and look good. Nothing looks more sloppy than bunches around your shoes and that bagginess makes everyone seem shorter.
Last tips, as always if you’re not sure when ordering online, see if they have a size chart of measurements across the individual sizes and always check their return policy, because buying trousers online is a tricky business. Websites like Endclothing.co.uk, are pretty good about size charts, for example. Always, of course, try them on before you buy of course, and if you’re not doing cuffs, always try to get the closest to your inseam before you hem to ensure that they fit how they are supposed to. I’m a 30” inseam, so if a given pair of pants comes in a 30”, 32” or 34” and I don’t want to cuff, the 30” will fit best, which seems like a no-brainer, but the 34” won’t narrow in at the knee as early as the 30” will for example. Most men’s jeans are size 28 at the smallest, or if it’s a limited run 30.
Fits I’ve had success with, but keep in mind that my body does not necessarily match yours:
APC Petit Standard: These aren’t cheap, but my absolute favourite jeans. I bought them two sizes too small, in that I could do them up but felt constrained, but because the indigo denim stretches quite a lot they work great. With that said, I have a black pair in the same size and they didn’t stretch as much as the indigo and as a result they fit a bit tighter than I’d like.
Levi’s Sta-Prest 513 Slim fit: I tried on the 511s, which are the skinny fit and they did not flatter my hips/thighs, whereas the slim fit de-emphasizes that area but aren’t so wide at the bottom. They also will fit exactly how they do when you first try them on because of the fabric doesn’t stretch out later. They’re a classic straight out of the 60s.
Naked and Famous Skinny Guy and Weird Guy: Two notes, the Skinny Guy will not stretch as much as the APC jeans, therefore, I suggest getting your actual size. The rise is quite low and I’m not a big fan, but then that could be due to having bought them a size smaller than I’d like. The Weird Guy is more of a taper fit which means more room at the top around the thighs and then a narrow opening at the bottom, buy these a size down and onsale.
And on a side note, I currently have a pair of unworn Big John jeans in a size 28 (but in reality measure at about 31”) for sale if anybody is interested, just message me for details. They’re Japanese selvedge, medium indigo, slim, straight fit and essentially like Japan’s Levi’s but higher quality than Levi’s jean output these days. I just didn’t heed my own advice and take the measurements to heart when I bought them.
Any questions?
-
College and Chronic Illness: 19 Tips to Study Strong and Fight the Fog
I get a lot of students asking me for advice on how to change their study habits to fight brain fog. It’s no easy task and often feels like a lose-lose situation. Pain medication might make you feel sleepy and out of it. Pain itself is distracting and takes up a good portion of your mental effort. Add brain fog to that mix and retaining large quantities of complex information is quite a task.
I’ve shared these tips with an anon ask in the past, but it’s appropriate to include them in my College and Chronic Illness series. Plus, I’ve updated my list. Enjoy!
- Color Coded— Writing the main concepts, theories, formulas, whatever, in a bright color (or multiple colors) helps me recall the content later (especially helpful for those of you who tend to have a photographic memory). Color coding your content with various colored pens works too.
- Highlight, Highlight, Highlight— Even if the entire 12 page section has to be highlighted, do it. This can help you track where you are when you’re reading, while also forcing you to pay attention to exactly what you’re highlighting.
- Write— If you’re a flashcard person, perfect. If not, writing out study content onto sheets of paper (copying notes, concepts, whatever) at least five times can help with retaining information and preventing memory lapses. It’s not particularly easy on the hands, but absolutely worth it if it works for you. If typing the information and then highlighting it after it’s printed, that might be a better alternative if you struggle to write like I do.
- Try Study Groups— if you are in the process of figuring out which study habits work best for you, try getting a group of people together to study. If you don’t have any friends learning the same content, send out a mass email to your class and see who’d like to get together or if study groups have already formed. Great way to meet new people and motivate and help each other get through difficult content.
- Repeat, Vocalize— Repeating terms and study content aloud allows you to hear it, focus on it, and remember it. It’s a great way to study.
- Have someone quiz you— When you get the answer wrong, have the person quizzing you repeat the correct answer to you twice. Then, start from the beginning each time you get wrong. This forces you to go back over all the ones you already got correct (reinforcing them) AND the ones you got wrong. Keep doing this until you get past the one you got wrong. This is hands down the best method I’ve utilized to study and it really works well.
- Acronyms— I think this speaks for itself.
- Method of Loci— Method of what? MOL: a metacognitive technique/mnemonc strategy in learning; based on the idea that you can best remember places that one is familiar with. If one links something worth remembering with a familiar place, the location will act as a clue to help trigger the memory. As LupineLady put it, “you picture a room you know really well, and attach pieces of information to each thing in the room.” You can read more about how to use this technique here.
-
Time Management— This is probably the most important tip of all. Instead of cramming four chapter’s worth of information into your brain the two days before the exam, start a week (or more ) in advance and take in information slowly. Then, the two days prior to your exam should be reviewing the entire four chapters and focusing on any content you found particularly difficult to retain.
- 10/20, 20/40— Study 20 minutes, then take a 10 minute brain-break OR study 40 minutes, then take a 20 minute brain-break. Break your study periods up into blocks. This gives you brain a break and you avoid the brain drain of studying without breaks for an hour+. Play around with what time increments work best for you.
- The Feynman Technique — a technique that helps you pinpoint exactly what you are struggling to understand or remember about a specific concept and make your study habit(s) more efficient. Simple and so effective. Here’s a PDF file with instructions for those who don’t want a video (the video is not too long & is better).
- Study Stress Free— Okay, maybe stress-free isn’t realistic, but being in the right frame of mind helps. If you cannot force yourself out of bed, if you’re in agony or you know it isn’t going to happen— don’t force it. That said, plan ahead so you don’t end up without the option of not forcing it…avoid cram sessions unless it works for you.
- Prep Your Study Space— Do you like to study with music? Make a playlist. Do you like a candle lit? Snacks? Prep your environment. If you need to take pain medication in order to be able to study, take meds 30 minutes (or however long they take to work) prior to your set study time. Have some ice packs or your heating pad ready.
- Avoid Social Media Distraction— Get off of facebook, twitter, instagram, Reddit, whatever your weakness is. If you know you lack the self control to put these away, use a program that limits your internet access for a period of time. If you know you won’t be able to study if you have access to the internet, use a program that limits your access (google to find ones that work for Mac and PC).
- Create a Physically Comfortable Work Area— Do you have a comfortable desk chair to sit in? Large space to spread your materials out? Curling up in a corner on the floor? Find/create your ideal study work area. When you are less distracted by physical pain (amplified by uncomfortable seating), you’re more likely to focus and have one less thing keeping you from studying.
- Good Eats— Gum, mints, trail mix, fruit, etc. Healthy snacks are a great way to gain some nutritional value. Do not forget to take breaks to eat actual meals. Use dinner and lunch as a study break. Cook a healthy meal, enjoy it, and give your brain some fuel and a rest.
- Stay Hydrated— this is paramount, especially for those of you inhaling massive amounts of caffeine to combat the fatigue (Starbucks espresso shot & 5 hour energy users, I am speaking to you). Drink a LOT of water while you study and don’t drink yourself into a caffeine crash. FYI: two Monster energy drinks have over FOURTEEN soda can’s worth of caffeine. Think about that and then think about your heart rate before you open up another can.
- Utilize Outside Resources— I use Khan Academy to review (and sometimes learn…) course content. I find the interactive step by step videos to be easier than learning a concept from a textbook. KA is totally free and the concepts are explained correctly and quite simply. You can review a video as many times as you want at your own pace. Definitely something to hold onto whether you’re fighting the fog or not, for everything from stats to American History. If you are struggling with a particular concept, go ask your professor, TA, or find free tutoring on campus (it’s there, you just have to find it). Google the concept or find online interactive tools. Another good one for technical concepts (math, formula/calculation work) is Wolfram Alpha, the Computational Knowledge Engine. Find someone who will walk you through the basics and will work with your foggy brain and…
- Don’t Be Embarrassed! Even people without brain fog go to tutoring and need concepts broken down. So what if we need them broken down a little more? So what if we need to re-learn basics again? So what if we forget basic algebra because our brains function in slow-motion? Who cares? Remember that this education is for YOU. YOU are earning your degree and anyone who looks down upon you for going at your own pace is not someone whose opinions you should take to heart anyway! “It does not matter how slow you go, so long as you do not stop.”
These are great tips for students regardless of whether or not one is dealing with brain fog, but for those of us who are struggling to fight the fog, it’s crucial we adapt our study habits to our bodies. I will add to this as I find more study strategies. Feel free to leave your comments, feedback, and/or any suggestions you have for others in the Disqus box!
RELATED:
I have had this post in my drafts forever and completely forgot about it! I am going to try some of these that I haven’t already.
- Color Coded— Writing the main concepts, theories, formulas, whatever, in a bright color (or multiple colors) helps me recall the content later (especially helpful for those of you who tend to have a photographic memory). Color coding your content with various colored pens works too.
-
» THRIFTING 101: 5 QUICK TIPS FOR PRODUCTIVE THRIFT SHOPPING - By Gabi Rivera-Morales
While thrift shopping can be fun and productive it can also be extremely overwhelming. I’ve had friends take one glance at our local, over-stocked thrift store and promptly turn on their heels with premature exasperation. I don’t blame them! True thrift stores (NOT expensive vintage boutiques — they are often confused for one another in conversation) are oftentimes messy, chaotic, and full of people. The payoff of a good thrifting day is so, so sweet though.
It’s the most cost-effective way to get unique vintage clothing; especially considering I barely have enough dough to pay my electricity bills most of the time. So, I encourage you to give it a first time go or a second try with some helpful tips!
1. TAKE YOUR TIME.
If you are overwhelmed by crowds or unorganized bundles of clothes, just take a breath, survey the situation, and psych yourself up for some hardcore rummaging. Cue Rocky music. You should allot an entire afternoon to thrifting, don’t just show up expecting to find exactly what you want within the first 20 minutes.
I found this awesome mohair sweater after digging through medical scrubs for a million years. It looks so hippie weird and moss ridden, I love it! Incidentally I found that necklace marooned with the kitchen appliances. And it was only two bucks, sweet victory!
2. BE OPEN-MINDED.
Since thrift stores are so cheap, you can afford to buy pieces that are weirder than what you’d normally wear! I bought a white lace, 70’s floor-length lingerie robe from Victoria’s Secret because I was convinced I could use it in a Stevie Nicks tutorial. I suppose I still could.
3. WEAR SENSIBLE SHOES.
Hah! I hate that phrase! Especially when my mom says it. BUT it’s so necessary for a thrifting day. You need to wear comfy shoes that you can slip into and out of effectively. So, nothing cute or awesome. Thrift shop shoe sections can be a battlefield; you have to move quickly if you find something good.
4. AVOID BEDBUG-RIDDEN FURNITURE. FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYONE.
Don’t be afraid to ask if armchairs, mattresses, sofas or whatever other bedbug hotbeds have been sanitized. Most thrift shops do sanitize their stuff, BUT my friend got bedbugs from a thrifted armchair and had to boil all of her clothes (I’m not sure that was the best thing to do but TOO LATE FOR HER). NOT ideal.
5. DON’T TAKE PARTY POOPERS ALONG.
Or friends that will have a bad attitude. Thrifting is really fun with someone who is adventurous and won’t judge you for buying ten, witch-y glass orbs on some random thrifting afternoon. They also shouldn’t steal your digs, so bring someone who has different style from you if you can!
-
Chronic Pain Management
Overcoming Anxiety, Depression & Anger
Chronic pain can lead to hopelessness, depression, anger and anxiety disorders such as: panic, generalised anxiety, hypochondriasis and post traumatic stress disorder. This not surprising as chronic pain sufferers may have many negative events and stressors to deal with, apart from their pain, such as :losing their jobs, experiencing financial hardship and having increased stress upon their families. Chronic pain sufferers also may have to contend with unpleasant side effects of pain killers (and other medication) such as constipation, weight gain and tiredness. Furthermore, chronic pain sufferers may find that they can no longer engage in activities that they enjoyed such as hobbies, crafts and sports, or that their participation in such activities is greatly reduced. Chronic pain sufferers often end up (1) inactive because they fear exacerbating their pain through activity, (2) socially withdrawn and losing contact with friends, and (3) overweight due to inactivity and/or overeating
Research has shown that having realistic, helpful thoughts is an important part of pain management. The cognitive model of chronic pain is that negative, unhelpful, unrealistic thoughts can lead to : increased perception of pain, anxiety, anger and depression, social isolation and withdrawal, underactivity, overreliance on pain medications and poor sleep. Therefore, the aim is to help chronic pain sufferers to change their negative, unhelpful, unrealistic thoughts in relation to: their pain, the effects the pain has had on their life, and other stressors ( e.g. legal issues, financial difficulties, unemployment).
Cognitive behavioural therapy, has been found by researchers to be a beneficial treatment for chronic pain conditions including: arthritis, whiplash, back pain, tendonitis, carpal tunnel, rotator cuff syndrome, bursitis, noncardiac chest pain, knee pain and irritable bowel syndrome.
Using cognitive behavioural therapy, psychologists and psychiatrists can assist chronic pain sufferers to develop pain management skills. Many people can learn pain management skills in as few as 12 sessions; however any treatment plan has to be tailored to an individual’s needs so the number of sessions required may vary from person to person.
Cognitive behavioural therapy for chronic pain usually includes:
- relaxation techniques
- distraction techniques
- the pacing of activity
- challenging negative thoughts and beliefs about: pain, other stressors, the future and disability.
Relaxation Techniques Relaxation techniques can reduce muscle tension and stress and therefore chronic pain sufferers who practice relaxation are better able to cope with their pain. Increased muscle tension can further aggravate chronic pain. Helpful relaxation techniques include, but are not limited to: deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, biofeedback, guided imagery, meditation and yoga. Relaxation is a skill which gets better with practice so practice your favourite technique (e.g. yoga, meditation or biofeedback) regularly. Relaxation can also help chronic pain suffers to improve their ability to sleep. Exercises for these can be found in the helpful resources page.
Challenging Negative Thoughts and Beliefs: Cognitive Behavioural therapy for chronic pain entails identifying, evaluating and changing negative, unhelpful, unrealistic thoughts , beliefs and images, Chronic pain sufferers may have unhelpful beliefs about their pain, for example, ” If may pain increases I must be doing further permanent damage to myself” or ” I can’t control my pain”. Chronic pain sufferers may also develop negative beliefs about themselves as being weak, unlovable or incompetent. Pain patients may also have negative thoughts and beliefs about other people as being uncaring Pain patients may also predict bleak futures for themselves. For example, ” If I’m in this much pain now just wait till arthritis sets in in my old age” or ” I can barely walk now, so in a few years time I’ll probably end up in a wheel chair” You can learn to challenge your negative thoughts and beliefs as well through this interactive website Mood Gym.
Distraction Techniques: Distraction techniques purpose is to get the chronic pain sufferer to focus their attention on something other than their pain. Distraction techniques may enable the sufferer to experience somewhat less pain.
Pacing Techniques: Chronic pain sufferers often get into an overactivity -underactivity cycle where they do more activity on their ‘good days’ when their pain is lower, but then they spend a day or more resting and recoverng from their burst of activity which has flared up their pain. Pacing techniques aim to spread activities evenly over the day and week so that flare ups in pain are minimised and the pain sufferer can gradually increase the amount of activity performed.
Source: http://www.anxietyaustralia.com.au/chronic_pain_management.shtml
-
Advice for Significant Others - By Dr. Fred Penzel, Western Suffolk Psychological Services
- © Trichotillomania Learning Center, Inc. 2012. All Rights Reserved
There’s a saying out there, “The only thing worse than having trich (or for that matter, any other body-focused repetitive behavior) is having it alone.” As it turns out, this may not be true in all cases. Having a significant other (SO) for support and encouragement can certainly be an advantage to people. No one would disagree. In the ideal world, everyone would have someone who could provide those things. In this same ideal world, everyone would understand problems of this type, and what it takes to recover from them. Unfortunately, not everyone understands BFRBs, and many sufferers are in relationships with people who not only don’t get it, but don’t get that they don’t get it. The behaviors and attitudes of these SOs create obstacles to their partner’s recovery.
BFRBs are stubborn problems with many different inputs that must all be addressed in a comprehensive way. Finding recovery takes time, hard work, motivation, and a lot of persistence; even under the best of circumstances. Most people have never heard words like BFRBS, trichotillomania or skin picking disorder. And, many of those that HAVE heard these terms still view them as some kind of “bad habit.” When significant others find themselves face-to-face with BFRBs, they now suddenly have to cope with an issue they know little or nothing about. This can lead to all kinds of difficulties. It is important to be aware of these potential problems and their possible solutions if they are to be remedied. Failure to recognize or fix them may cause relationship damage, and possibly breakups. As with many things, education is the key.
-
This week’s featured question: How do I choose a good vibrator?
This is one of our most commonly asked questions. Different people and bodies find that they enjoy different types of stimulation, making it hard to put together a “one size fits all” vibrator recommendation - but our staff writer has still compiled an in depth discussion of what you should think about and consider - including some suggestions from our list of personal favorites!
When searching for one’s first vibrator, there are a few things to keep in mind:
- Material: Opt for 100% silicone or hard plastic
- Size: Vibrators come in many shapes and sizes, with various purposes.
- Relatedly, where do you want the toy to stimulate you?: deep in the vagina, the G-zone/G-spot, the clitoris, the labia, the prostate, along the penis and testicles, outside the anus?
- Aesthetic preferences: while some prefer realistic-looking sex toys, others prefer their vibrators to look less like penises and more like, well, toys. Vibrators come in all colors of the rainbow, and many more!
- The texture of the toy: Do you want your toy hard and unbendy, or flexible? Do you want it smooth and silky to the touch, or with more drag?
- Is it battery-operated or rechargeable? What type of battery does the toy use, if any?
More details in the full article - click on the picture or this link to read our entire answer!
-
» SEX SHOP DOS AND DON'TS - By, Kate
During my time on this earth and in employment I have worked in various fields. I’ve done time in box offices, music PR and of course, shops.
Brighton sex boutique Tickled
Nobody wants to hear how my first day working in a clothes shop I helped a newcomer to transvestism negotiate a Lycra halter dress. This is the same clothes shop where as I silently priced up clothes the owner would moan to his mother that he was considering going back to a life of crime.
“Boring! Tell us about the sex shop Kate!” They (the general public, co-workers, friends, family etc) say.
“Ahem, sex boutique,” I passive-aggressively correct them. Then, I really have to admit that nothing as untoward as you might hope goes on in a sex boutique.
People of a certain demographic would walk in confidently, spot the rack of Fun Factory vibrators directly in front of them and do one of two things. They would either turn to their left and announce their mistake to the ball gag display and leave, or scuttle into the sectioned-off part of the store.
A word to the wise: when you unexpectedly walk into what is referred to in polite circles as a Marital Aids shop, never aim for the private area. There lie the biggest dildos you ever did fathom and glittery holsters with which to wang them around in.
Giant dildos are the last straw for such people and any attempt at fake browsing would be abandoned in favour of running out the door, where the pair would turn to each other, wide eyed, hats askew and ask: “What the cock was that?”
And indeed, what the cock is a sex boutique? Friends, it is a place where you are more than welcome (unless you’re under 18 of course). For, in addition to these misguided consumers, I did see many a wannabe customer. Those people who couldn’t quite get beyond browsing, or were put off by the presence of other customers or were just a little overwhelmed.
As any former Brownie* knows, a little preparation goes a long way. With all this in mind I’ve taken the liberty of preparing a guide for those wishing to visit a sex boutique in the near future. And I do recommend that you visit one. The Internet’s good for research, but you can’t beat seeing the product in the flesh before you buy.
Squeamish Kate’s Sex Shop Dos and Don’ts:
1. Do talk to us. We’ve been expecting you
Whether or not we insist on referring to the establishment as a sex boutique, there will be shop assistants and they are going to talk to you. Do ask any questions you have about what’s available. No question is too naïve or weird. Seriously, they’ve heard it all and are more than happy to help you find a product you’re going to love. If the shop assistants seem a bit grumpy you’ve probably just interrupted a mini-vibe race across the cash desk.
Press every button! Go on!
2. Do press every button.
Might I take this opportunity to assure you there are no second-hand items here? This means there’s no need to recoil when an assistant proffers you the pulsating phallus you just inquired about. Press all the buttons you see and by all means press anything that vibrates to the end of your nose to help you gauge the strength of the vibe. In case you’ve don’t know what the hell I’m talking about here — the tip of the nose has a similar amount of nerve endings as the clitoris. Apparently.
Test your prospective vibrator by pressing it against your nose. Perhaps a bit more gently than this…
3. Do expect high prices
If there’s a part of your body that needs a lot of money spending on it, it should be your eyes. Eyes and genitalia. This because they are both sensitive areas and it is very inconvenient for either body part to become sore. So you have to invest in quality mascara and quality sex toys (with which you could potentially put your eye out as well, come to think of it).The difference between a flavoured lube from the pub vending machine and a bottle of System Jo is not just about £20. The right lubricant can help protect your skin and keep the material your toy is made of from perishing. I cannot tell you the amount of disappointed men who hoped a £200 beast of a dildo for a stag do could be theirs for a fiver.
This is my discreet face.
4. Do be discreet.
Yes a lot of the products for sale are kind of hilarious and/or baffling, but they’re there because some people like them. Please be respectful of other people’s sexual preferences and keep your comments for when you have left. Also that tartan dildo on the counter might just be an innocent flask of coffee.5. Do come back!
A returning customer (with no returns) is much appreciated. It means we’ve done our job well. With my guide, you should be able to negotiate a sex shop, a sex boutique or even a sex emporium and come out with a great selection of goodies and no blushes.*Before I gain your trust by invoking the Brownie Guide name I should tell you I was a terrible Brownie and the only badge I got was an Imp badge to denote which team I was in. And even that was a pity badge I feel.
All the pictures were taken at Tickled in Brighton. Check them out — they come highly recommended by an old pro like me.
-
#2 in my series “safety first”
know your knots- a few handy ones
